In an off the cuff press conference televised via CNN-4 (The Quatro), President Trump shocked the metal world when he took to the podium to make the following speech:
“You know that Iron Maiden is the best. I know what the best is and like me, Iron Maiden is the best. They have the best music. Steve Harris? He’s phenomenal and Janick Gers? He has the best moves. Nobody has better stage moves than Janick. Nobody. But Iron Maiden has failed America with their recordings for far too long. Not mastering A Matter of Life and Death? What was that about? I told them, “Master that album and the numbers will be huge. Look what happened.”
Trump went on to say, “While The Final Frontier sounded pretty good, their other albums. Terrible. And those albums with Blaze Bayley? What a bald doof. Even my friend Kim and VP (Vladimir Putin) agree that there hasn’t been a great sounding album since “Fear of the Dark.” I want to make Iron Maiden great again so I am officially re-instating the great Martin Birch as producer for all future Iron Maiden recordings.”
Over The Top Metal News reached out to legendary producer Martin Birch about this and he said, “Well, Trump had me deported so he’s just gonna have to live with Kevin Shirley and is fucking earless, balless production style. Fuck that wanker and fuck Shirley as well” as he continued onto his 7th pint of Guinness from a pub in London.
We also reached out to Kevin Shirley for a comment and all he said was, “Yes, ‘arry.” We’re not quite sure what was up with that.