Last night at ProgPower was a night of absolute destruction following Mike Portnoy’s Shattered Fortress performance of his very humble and non-preachy “12 Step Suite.” The crowd was all alive for the beginning of the performance then suddenly things started to happen. I noticed people suddenly getting agitated, getting bored, and even nodding off when all of the sudden, somebody whipped out a flask full of Jamison and started passing it around.
ProgPower attendee Energee Sapphire says to me, “I don’t know what happened but all of the sudden I was suddenly driven to drink. The noise, the music, the inflating of Mike Portnoy’s head on stage was just too much for me to handle. Next thing I knew, everyone was drinking and passing out and even puking. We tried to get Mike to stop but he just kept playing causing everyone to drink. Now, here I am, 8:30am and I’m still drinking. I am now an alcoholic thanks to Mike Portnoy.”
Similar stories popped up. Zakk Mendoza said, “It was just so unbelievable. One moment I was up against the stage yelling for “Pull Me Under” and the next thing I know I’m lying in a bathroom at DiVinci’s Pizza covered in my own piss and reeking of alcohol. It’s fucking 9am on Saturday. What the fuck, bro?
ProgPower Promoter Glenn Harveston refused to comment on this as he is currently fleeing the country to escape persecution for the disappointing 2018 line up. As for Mike Portnoy, his “12 Step Suite” is now going to be considered illegal to perform due to this tragic epidemic that it has caused in Atlanta.
A director at the CDC who chose to remain nameless due to being a Freedom Call fan said, “There’s no need to believe that this is anything more than an isolated incident. As long as Mr. Portnoy stops playing this horrible piece of music, this shouldn’t happen again. As a matter of fact, we may work with Mr. Portnoy to see about getting them to play it backwards to see if it actually cures alcoholism.”